For the love of: Motherhood

My plan was to do a “Yo Momma Monday” reflection on my life as Cecilia’s mama this Monday, but we were visiting family in Stockton and I wasn’t around my computer. Family is always the perfect excuse for not writing. This is my third year celebrating Mothers Day, and the second year that I get to spend with my kid. Technically, I did spend the first one with her too…but she was celebrating in my belly.

A couple weeks ago, my friend and I were talking about that quote “Everything changed and nothing changed” when we had our kids. Sure, my Friday nights are a little different and all of the money I do earn is spent on formula, gas and groceries…but in the bigger picture, what all has changed?923957_1414953962103156_2455092_n

I’m still me. And while my family has grown, they’re all still the same people. I was never huge into traveling, so it’s not like that changed. She didn’t derail my studies, she actually motivated me to apply to the school I’ve always wanted to attend, and not give up when it felt like everything was crumbling around me. She didn’t take me away from my big, fancy job. I was working at a boutique here and there and interning at a local paper. Nothing that I had to fret about giving up when I had her.

In fact, I actually like this version of myself better. I’m nicer. I don’t forget birthdays and I’m not scurrying around my house to find random items I can give people as gifts. I don’t check for my money and suddenly remember I spent it all at the bar the night before, or I left my credit card there. I know exactly where I spent it all – at the grocery store, duh. I stick with plans I make with people (for the most part), and when I do flake, it’s most likely because my daughter fell asleep right before I was planning on leaving or she’s been in tantrum city. And when I do have a beer, I enjoy it. Because that will be it for the night.

02b5cad6a97211e3874612e79814bf9e_8I appreciate and respect my parents (and pretty much all parents) a whole lot more and I’m constantly in awe of everything they did for me and my brother. I learn to pick my battles, and I don’t argue as much. I get frustrated but now I deal with it, and not just freak out and shut the world out.

She teaches me to not value all the stuff I have lying around, because she will probably walk all over them, or chew on them, or tear them apart. She teaches me to put up anything I truly value and to take good care of it, because if I let her have it, she will most likely destroy it. She knows when I need to take a break from the computer or my cell phone. And most of all, she teaches me not to take myself too seriously.

929315_642978312447553_726817861_nBecause of her, I have taught myself how to cook, have maintained a garden and have healthy relationships with all of my friends and family. Because of her, I focus on the people and things that hold the most importance, and let go of what I can. Instead of putting 10% into a million projects, I pick a few and put everything that I have left in me into them. Because of her, I push myself to continue going to school for something I love, because I want her to do the same when she’s ready.

Because of her, I have changed. But I will always be the same Amanda.

Creative Business Journey: Project 2014

Image from Oh My! Handmade Goodness

Image from Oh My! Handmade Goodness

I was moved by a quote that Susan Petersen from Freshly Picked shared yesterday.

“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”

It’s from Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art and it expressed how I have been feeling lately to a tee. Every time I e-mail someone to see if they want to be featured in my series, there is a fear. My hands get sweaty and my heart races. What if that person hates the idea, or worse, hates my blog? What if they don’t want to bother with something so trivial and small? Luckily, most of the people I have asked have been nothing but wonderful, and if they do pass, they do so with care.

But none of that would have happened if fear consumed me. There wouldn’t be a Yo Momma Monday or a Meet the Maker series if I let the fear dictate me. And I would have never gotten to know the incredible people I have, or would have been able to share their stories.

I have been making a lot of changes – some natural, and some terrifying. In January, when I was thinking about what needed to happen, I knew that I needed to be fearless. To not become consumed by my fear or to doubt myself, but to embrace my fear as a call to action. Project 2014 was the perfect challenge for me, and I love having someone to check in on me to make sure I’m taking care of my business.

be fearless

Now that my blog redesign is pretty much good to go, I’m focusing my energy on how I want to see my blog in the future. I’m going to explore the world of sponsorships and partnerships and get more people involved in my blog – expand the community more. Because I know, deep down in my heart, that this blog can be everything I want it to be. It just takes some work, and more than that – it takes confidence.

As for Sweet Mariposa, I need to get to work on creating new stuff! I have made a plan in the past to do all of my creating on Saturdays, but as with anything else, you can’t plan when you create. And you certainly can’t plan it on a day that is usually reserved for family time. I need to go through all of my stuff, and see what I want to build on.

There’s also an insane amount of fear that comes with showing your art to the world. Because once someone makes one negative comment about it, you immediately want to take it down and protect it from the cruel world. But, depending on the comment, there is a lot you could learn from it.

Is there a flaw in your work, or is it just that person’s opinion? Do you hear the same comment from different people? Maybe the message you’re trying to convey isn’t clear, and you need to change some things up. Or maybe…you just need to accept the fact that not everybody will love your work like you do, and move on.

How do you handle your fear? Is there anything you have been wanting to pursue but haven’t out of fear? If you want to share, please feel free to do so in the comments and on my Facebook, Twitter and Google +. When you share, you give others the chance to support you, and possibly even learn from you. You can find more of my creative business inspiration on my Pinterest.